firewatcher | how many wailing ghosts have I ignored: miscellaneous drabbles

1992: between you and me

"Maria."

Maria turned in the middle of putting on her coat to see her brother Andy, standing behind her in the doorway to the coatroom, but didn't pause before continuing on to lacing up her boots—it was her patrol night, and unlike Vera, she liked to at least get there close to on time. "What's up?"

He didn't quite meet her eyes. "You're on patrol with Vera tonight," he said.

"Yeah—why do you ask?" She raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you have a thing for her, or something. I am not hooking you up."

"No," he said, quickly, and then paused, frowning, before saying, more slowly: "No, I don't have a thing for her." He paused again, and this time looked Maria in the eye. "But you do."

Maria stopped, this time, in the middle of tying the laces on her left boot. "What the fuck are you talking about?" she said, not looking up. She didn't trust her expression not to betray her. "That's ridiculous."

"Look, you aren't particularly subtle," Andy said, with an edge to his voice that Maria rarely heard. "So don't try that with me. I may not be you, but I can put two and two together, Maria, and so can Mom and Dad. If they find out, they're going to be fucking pissed, and you'd better hope none of the Volkovs find out you're fucking the wrong twin—"

"Shh!" Maria stood up, abruptly. "Okay, okay, I get it!" she said, lowering her voice. "I mean—look, what's your problem? What do you want? If you'd already told them you wouldn't be telling me this."

"I—" Maria made a small motion toward him and he flinched; of course he did. Andy always did. He looked away, balling his hands into fists. "Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to get heat, either, because as long as Mom and Dad have all their expectations on you, they don't care as much what I do. But this is one hell of a secret for me to be keeping for you."

Maria rolled her eyes. "Ugh, blackmail. Fine, what."

He crossed his arms, looking down at his feet. "I need you to cover for me, sometimes. If you and Vera take the shifts and keep your mouths shut, no one will know I missed anything. Not that often. Probably only once a week. This Saturday in particular."

"Sure, sure." Maria threw her hands in the air. "Easy enough. Just give me, like, a couple days advance notice if you can, or whatever. Hot date?"

"I—yes, sure. Yeah, call it a hot date, whatever you like." He shook his head, and shrugged. "It doesn't matter, it probably won't come to anything, anyway. Just do it, okay?"

Maria shrugged. "Already said I would. Just curious. And—hey, let me know what this thing of yours is if it does pan out, all right? I'm not gonna tell anyone. I just..." She looked away, chewing on her lower lip. "I like keeping up. I feel like since you went off to college I don't really know how you're doing."

Andy snorted. "I mean, big words coming from you; I look away for a few seconds, you turn out to be a huge lesbo sneaking around behind Mom and Dad's backs. Where did Little Miss Wholesome go?"

She mock-punched him in the shoulder. "Seriously, though. Keep me posted. And I promise, I'm not going to get caught, so everything's going to be fine."

It was totally going to be fine.

1993: all the stupid lies I hide behind

(palmer and vasily tiptoe around each other and worry about vera)

1994: the promises I've made

(palmer and vera's relationship is discovered, and andrew finds himself under pressure to be the family heir)

1994: it kicks you in the teeth when you are least expecting

(palmer gets the bad news)

1995: something that I can defend, in the end

(palmer and sam meet)

1995: i'm not worried about the consequence

(palmer makes an impulsive decision)

1996: a hero needs an origin story

Maria screamed for what felt like hours, but was probably more like a few minutes. Couldn't really tell; her watch was covered in blood and ichor and probably useless now as a result.

Eventually her voice dwindled to the point where she could only make hoarse, strangled noises, and she was so, so tired that when her knees buckled she let herself drop to the ground, the machete thudding dully against the ground where it slipped from her nerveless fingers.

She was dimly aware of voices, of someone putting a blanket around her shoulders, of someone bandaging the cut on her forehead. The faraway-feeling warmth of a hand in hers. At some point someone coaxed her to her feet, and put an arm around her shoulders to walk her to the truck.

It didn't surprise her to notice on the drive home that she was leaning on Sam's shoulder.

In the end, vengeance didn't even matter; her parents' will still asked Andy to take on leadership of the family. His hands were clenched so hard they were white at the knuckles during the reading, sweat condensing on his forehead even in the over-air-conditioned attorney's office.

Maria kept her face impassive the whole time, hobbled out under her own power, got in the truck and drove to the only place that felt okay. Sam was the only one who ever saw her cry.

2001: the way your world can alter

(palmer and sam have their second child; andrew has second thoughts about his life)

2003: I'm a goddamn fool, but then again so are you

(andrew begins acting strangely; palmer and susanna share concerns)

2004: only silence

(sam is lost; andrew is not helpful)

2005: my heart will be blacker than your eyes when I'm through with you

(palmer confronts andrew)

2011: the terror that remains every morning in the dark

(palmer has sam declared dead)