[psl] 1991: you're a bad idea and I know it

[firewatcher]

Ever since the family had gotten back from their reunion trip to the northwest, Maria had been anxious to see Aunt Danielle. Even so, she'd managed to end up alone on stakeout with her three times already and not actually bring up the topic she really wanted to talk about.

Maria stared out into the dark through the sight on her rifle, biting her lower lip and resisting the urge to glance over at her "Aunt." Prepared for everything, she'd always been, except, well... this. And asking for advice meant acknowledging to herself what was going on. It had been easy to think of it as no big deal after that one night on the camping trip... less so after the next time she and Vera had been alone together, and the next, and the next.

Okay. This was it. She had to do it tonight. After all, Aunt Danielle was basically the only person Maria knew who, well... knew what it was like, if rumor was correct. And the only one, because of that, who stood any kind of chance of keeping her secret.

All right. Gonna do it. Just gotta spit it out.

Maria cleared her throat. "Uh..."

Comments

[beyondthisillusion]

The last year or two had been rough. Which was an understatement, but Danielle could fool herself. She was an expert at it. Had been for a good seven years. And now that Ruby was a fraud, she had to own up. At least a little bit. There were basically two things that had kept her from taking a short walk into the sunrise. The first was Buckley, who had managed to convince her that the deception wasn't the end of the world. And the second was Maria.

Having Maria in her life was kind of like a miracle. In a weird sort of way. Danielle would never have kids of her own. But watching Maria grow up was...

...it was amazing, really. No other word would do. She only wished that Maria could get more of a taste of normal. But that wasn't her decision to make. And Maria certainly didn't seem to be hurting. She was smart. Tough. Capable (more capable than her brothers, frankly). Independent. All those good things. And Danielle had gotten to watch it all develop.

Which was the reason why the 'uh...' struck an odd chord with her.

Danielle had been scanning the area with every last one of her senses when she heard it and turned to see the flair of uncertainty emanating from her cousin. "See something?" she asked softly.

[firewatcher]

"Nah," she said. "All quiet."

She hesitated, and then went on: "Can I ask you a... kinda personal question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

[beyondthisillusion]

The corners of her mouth twitched. Just slightly. Danielle had a particularly expressive face, which had led to her being nicknamed 'Trout Mouth' in certain circles. Over the last few years, she'd fought to restrain herself, making her occasionally look more like a seizure patient than she meant to look.

But Maria certainly had her attention.

She closed off her channels of Auspex, turning to look along the line of her shoulder. "You know my life's an open book," she replied.

There was delicious irony in that.

[firewatcher]

"Okay, so, I heard—and, I don't mean this in a bad way, so, uh, don't take it that way, and anyway I don't even know if it's true, but—"

Deep breath. Slow your roll, Maria. You're making this weirder than it has to be. She just wasn't really used to talking about her feelings.

"—but what I heard is, uh, you're... not into men."

[beyondthisillusion]

Danielle's eyebrows shot up. It was hardly a scandalous thing to say these days, but she had to admit, it was the last thing she'd expected to hear from Maria. No, she'd been anticipating some kind of awkward vampire question. Members of the Palmer clan asked them from time to time. They asked about how she slept or what it felt like when she used her blood to give herself a pulse or was it really true that being bitten by a vampire gave you orgasms?

This was...comparatively normal.

She tilted her head to one side, just slightly. "I don't know if I'd say that," she said. "I like men all right but...it's true that I also like women."

Especially recently.

[firewatcher]

"Oh. Okay. Good. I mean—you know what I mean." Can you possibly sound like more of an idiot, Maria. "And, I mean, you know I'm kind of engaged to Vasily Volkov, and that's fine and everything."

Her parents had asked her first, of course—the more conservative Volkovs were reluctant to share their secrets with outsiders, which meant everyone who wasn't family, and Maria could understand that. And Maria had always figured she'd marry another hunter, and there was nothing wrong with him. And it wasn't as if she met a whole lot of hunter dudes her age.

"It's just that, well... there's someone else. Who I like. Who, uh, isn't a guy."

Christ, she might as well just throw herself to whatever monsters were out there right now and spare herself the embarrassment.

[beyondthisillusion]

Danielle wasn't a huge fan of arranged marriages. After all, it wasn't the 1800s any more. Having lived through the Civil Rights movement and Women's Lib, her opinions on the subject were...strong.

So strong, in fact, that the only reason she hadn't voiced any objections to the whole thing was that Maria had seemed fine with it.

Now, not so much.

She wasn't going to get ahead of herself and start some kind of fire and brimstone speechifying. But the temptation was definitely there. It was the part of her that was Shawn, that had kneejerck reactions on occasion.

She kept it under control.

"How does this girl feel about you?"

[firewatcher]

Maria laughed nervously. "We... we really like each other. A lot. Way lots." Do not blush, do not blush, we are not blushing—aw, hell. "My parents—when I said I'd get engaged to Vasily, right, they said I should only agree if I was completely serious about following through, and back then I was, but now..."

She set her rifle down against the window and crossed her arms across her chest. "But I didn't know this was going to happen. And there's no way she can be public about it, because of... her own stuff." Maria glanced over at Danielle. "It's the worst idea I've ever had but it... it doesn't feel like it when we're together. I guess. I'm pretty sure I'm making a huge mistake."

[beyondthisillusion]

Danielle pressed her lips together, forming a white line. It was what she perceived to be a thoughtful, non-trouty expression.

It certainly wasn't judgmental, anyway.

"If my brother were here," she said softly, with that same touch of fondness she always used when thinking about Shawn, "he'd tell you monogamy was for chumps. And that you should just go for it. You aren't married yet."

[firewatcher]

"From the stories you've told me, I'm not sure if your brother is necessarily someone whose example I should follow, but—I'm not married yet, yeah. Yeah."

She let out a sigh. "Just—I don't want to break my word, I don't want my parents to have to break their word, and I like Vasily and don't want to, like, ruin his life." Because there was... not really a great way to not ruin someone's life if it becomes public knowledge that you've been sleeping with their sister.

[beyondthisillusion]

"It's a complicated situation," Danielle agreed, giving Maria a sympathetic grimace. "As weird as this sounds, it's something you might want to actually discuss with Vasily. Not necessarily intimate details but..."

Danielle cut herself off, frowning thoughtfully.

As was often the case with Maria, she found herself reflecting on the past. On her own roads not taken.

"Back when I was...you know..." Alive. "I always said to myself that I wouldn't get married until I'd had at least three boyfriends. And I wouldn't marry anyone who hadn't had at least three girlfriends. Because, the way I saw it, it was important to experience every opportunity in life. So you wouldn't have any kind of resentments or regrets after settling down."

[firewatcher]

"Yeah, maybe. I guess you want to have that life experience so you can be sure what you want. He's more of his parents' kid than—uh, well, he's definitely not someone I'd expect to disobey his parents," Maria said, remembering just in time to avoid mentioning Vera by name. "But... I don't think he's as, well, uptight. Maybe. I mean, there's something in it for him, too." Hopefully. "It seems sensible to me, anyway, when you put it like that."

She glanced back at Danielle. "Did you ever have your three boyfriends?" Pause. "Did you ever have a girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend?"

[beyondthisillusion]

Danielle smiled faintly. "I wouldn't say boyfriends exactly. But that was one of the first things on my list of things to do after getting out of my father's line of business. Shawn and I never had a lot of time for dating so...I had some catching up to do."

Translation: She'd gone on a few dates and had a few one-nighters.

"And...there is a girl I'm kind of...seeing." She hesitated to use the word 'girlfriend.' She wasn't sure what it was, to be honest. It had started out just as an experiment but...

Well...

It was complicated now.

[firewatcher]

Maria's eyebrows shot up. "Is she cute? What's her name? How long have you been seeing her?"

Aaaaand kissing any sense of delicacy in this conversation goodbye.

[beyondthisillusion]

"Hold up, hold up," Danielle said, holding up her free hand, while balancing the rifle with her other. "We were talking about you, remember?"

It wasn't that she didn't want to share. Hell, she wanted to sing it out to the mountain tops, as cliched as it sounded.

But Danielle had never particularly enjoyed being in the spotlight. And Maria's problems seemed infinitely more immediate.

[firewatcher]

"Haha, sorry. But like—" How to put it? "I just don't really... have any idea what all of this is supposed to look like, you know?" Maria shrugged. "Aside from one of us eventually dying in some tragic way and the other marrying a man and settling down, because that's all I'm getting from fiction. But you're real. Also, you can't just tell me you have a maybe-girlfriend and not dish."

[beyondthisillusion]

"Hey," Danielle said, "I'm a vampire, remember? I'm definitely the wrong person to look to for what something is supposed to be." She said it lightly, in the self-effacing tone of voice she always used when talking about her...ahem...condition.

But it always hurt. Way more than she would admit.

Danielle craved normal like most women craved chocolate and Brad Pitt.

"Anyway," she continued, "I'm not sure there's any supposed to be about relationships. We call fiction 'fictional' for a reason."

[firewatcher]

Maria rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah, I guess," she said. "But when it's a guy and a girl dating, it's easy to think of what your future might look like, right? Even if you don't want the white picket fence and all that shit. Kinda nice to have a map, even if you're not gonna follow it. Also, you're totally deflecting."

[beyondthisillusion]

Leave it to Maria to call Danielle out when she was deflecting. Danielle gave her a look, one that said 'you caught me, kiddo.'

She used it a lot with Maria.

"When I joined the Ordo Dracul," she said thoughtfully, "they told me that you couldn't feel any emotions as a vampire that you'd never felt as a human. But, see, I don't think that's true. Because I definitely never fell in love as a human. But I think I might..."

...be in love.

[firewatcher]

"Oh my god, seriously?" Maria practically jumped up from her seat. "Oh man, that's awesome! But—like, what's her name, how did you meet, what's she like?" Please tell me about her so I can feel less weird about my own life.

[beyondthisillusion]

"Maria!" Danielle hissed sharply, jerking her head out in the direction of the black night around them. They were on a stake out, after all. As fun as girltalk could be, she didn't want it being the death of them.

Then she'd never know if it was love.

Lowering her voice and leaning closer to Maria, she whispered, "We met through my friend Brady at the University."

[firewatcher]

Maria grinned and picked her rifle back up, getting back in position. "I get it, I get it. There's just not a lot of times when I can talk about this kind of shit without someone overhearing, you know?"

She settled back onto her seat. Still no movement, but they'd gotten here early. "University, huh? Is she a student? Professor?"

[beyondthisillusion]

"Student," Danielle admitted. And even if her body was stuck on 26 forever, she had to admit she didn't feel like a cougar. Maybe with some of the boys she'd messed around with a few years back but...

No. No, this was different somehow.

"Brady met her in an Intro to Biology course."

[firewatcher]

"Nice. Maybe I'll run into her once I start classes in the fall." Weird to be able to say that, weird to be done with high school. Too bad Vera's family weren't sending her to college. Not that everyone needed to go, but... it would be nice to have her there. "She's human, then?"

[beyondthisillusion]

And there was the reason why Danielle was hesitant to share her name. They would, in fact, be in school together. Possibly in some of the same classes.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Maria. It was just...well...it was nice having something that was just hers. Danielle had sworn to share everything with the Palmer family, and she'd lived up to that promise. And certainly, she hadn't had any privacy growing up. Not with dad living that Spartan life and Shawn being...well...Shawn.

This was new and strange and wonderful.

"Yeah," she said, quickly sweeping the area with Auspex so they didn't get too sloppy. "I wouldn't go out with a vampire."